I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
