She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
