i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
