I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
PANTIES FOUND
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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