If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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