Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
