I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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