dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
