You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
