So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
