I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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