Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize