3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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