Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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