we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
