a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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