he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
