There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize