Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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