when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
try to milk me bitch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
