Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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