So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
