Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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