whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
