The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
