Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
