dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize