I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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