even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
