can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
