if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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