there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
