you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize