Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
