I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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