shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
