I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
