Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
