I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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