So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm really busy with my period
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