my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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