I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
