Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
