RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
