Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
