Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize