I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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