we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize