No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
