alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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