I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
