I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
