I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
