$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
