hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
