i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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