Whod you bang
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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