so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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