Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
