her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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