laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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