Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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