rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
