Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Randomize
