I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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