yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
