I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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