You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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