No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
