Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
