the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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