He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
