my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
