Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Damn victory sex feels great
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
