I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize