Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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