You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
