Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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