I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
