She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
