i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize