Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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