I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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