a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
