Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
