I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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