the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I just sharted jello shots
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
