i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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