I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
