I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
