Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
