There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
