It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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