I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize