I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
