Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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